He's really gone...

Today while organizing and cleaning through some piles, I came across two grief books my mom had sent.  For a second I honestly thought "Why did she send these to me?  What do I need these for?"  When I read the book's titles and saw "working through the loss of a loved one" it hit me like a ton of bricks.

MY DAD IS GONE. MYDAD IS GONE...

 

 MY DAD IS GONE!!!

Some days take reminding.  It just seems like normal that he's home, with mom, in Kansas.  Business as usual.  That thought is easier to entertain since I live in Utah and haven't lived with my parents in many many years.  How hard is it for mom?  To be faced with that realization EVERY DAY as she wakes and goes about her day, only to come home again to an empty house.  I have it much easier...

It's a constant journey.  And today I got really sad thinking he's really gone.  Well, I'm sad everyday.  But today it felt especially heavy.  I miss him like nothing else and my heart has a physical ache I've rarely experienced....

I suppose someday it will sink in that he's truly gone.  But most days, I have to remind myself...